Mandy Reilly has faced incredible challenges in her life. Yet every hardship has prompted her to use her voice so that she, loved ones and strangers alike can find support, acceptance and love.
Mandy, her husband Blake and their ten-year-old son Cristian live with her parents in Milwaukee. A three-generation household “doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for us,” she says. She shares more about her family and what inspires her to be an advocate.
You grew up in Milwaukee. Why have you decided to raise a family there?
We actually live in the house that I spent the majority of my childhood in. Cristian’s bedroom was my bedroom growing up! Milwaukee is in my bloodline. I’m a proud product of a hardworking family dedicated to serving the city of Milwaukee and one of seven valedictorians in my class at my Milwaukee public school. The city is always evolving but has an old-school charm. Milwaukee has always been home for me and for as long as we can, it will be home.
Tell us about Cristian.
Cristian loves his LEGO sets and his action figures. He’s a big fan of Pokemon and Yugioh cards, and Beyblades have taken over our house. He plays soccer through his school in the spring and year-round he and I take Taekwondo through the Milwaukee Recreation Department. He just joined the choir at school and wants to play the drums in band.
Cristian was diagnosed with PDD-NOS [part of the autism spectrum] just after his third birthday. My younger brother is on the spectrum and my mom started to see signs in Cristian that she’d noticed with my brother. We were very lucky to have her let us know because getting early assistance has been key. We were on the younger side of parenting and didn’t know what we were doing (still don’t, actually) so having that guidance was a blessing. After his diagnosis, we did everything we could to make sure that he could thrive. An autism diagnosis is definitely not one size fits all.
As he started school, it became very evident that an attention deficit hyperactivity disorder diagnosis would be added. Blake also has ADHD so it was not a surprise to anyone. The decision to put Cristian on medication was one of the hardest I’ve had to deal with personally as a mother, but it was the best decision I’ve made. As Cristian tells his friends, his medication helps him be a better version of himself. Navigating through the public school system hasn’t always been easy. We’re now at our fourth school since K3 but I think where he is now is where he’ll stay until eighth grade.
What has being an advocate for your son meant to you?
I had a very strong role model in my mom to show me what advocating for your child truly meant. Before Cristian could speak, I was his voice. As he’s grown up, it’s been my job to help him find his voice and use his voice.
Being an advocate has always been a given. If your child can’t see, you get them glasses. ADHD and autism are no different. It’s about making sure that the world understands them while helping them understand the world.
You recently wrote about your experiences with eating disorders. What have those experiences taught you?
At the age of seven, I had undiagnosed anorexia because a boy jiggled my arm and called me fat. I would not eat breakfast but then tell my teachers at lunch I was full from breakfast and tell my parents at dinner I was full from lunch. My mother found my lunch money in a sock drawer and took me to the pediatrician who said that if I was feeling low that I could be put on a diet.
I’ve dealt with two bouts of bulimia as an adult. The first ended because I became pregnant with my son and the second ended because I decided that I was worth fighting for. That was my stand-out moment. Looking at myself in the mirror with bloodshot eyes and scarred knuckles realizing I couldn’t live like this anymore was the ultimate proclamation of self-love. Once I realized that I needed to fight for myself, I started to work out and eat better instead of purging. I’ve lost about sixty pounds so far, but not to be skinny. I lost the weight because I realized I love myself enough to be healthier and around for the long haul.
The mantra that has gotten me through my journey thus far is “I AM ENOUGH.” I would definitely tell my younger self that. Just as I was, I was enough, even though I didn’t always see it. Just as I am, I am enough. And just as I will be, I will be enough. I am woman enough, wife enough, mother enough, daughter enough, sister enough, friend enough. I AM ENOUGH. I may not be enough for some people, and those are people I don’t need in my life. On the flip side, I may be too much for some people, and I don’t need those people in my life either. Surrounding myself with the people who love me just as I am, ESPECIALLY AND INCLUDING MYSELF, is my key to body-positivity and happiness in general.
Please tell us about Wear the Swimsuit. How did that project come about and what has it been like to work on it?
When I bought a bikini and wore it for the first time, I felt so empowered. Swimsuits were always a sore subject for me, because I was the little girl at the pool with an oversized T-shirt while my friends were in cute two-pieces. I hated my body for so long that when I started to love myself and my body, I realized that I needed to wear the swimsuit and not let the swimsuit wear me.
I remember posting a picture on Facebook and Instagram and people commenting about how brave I was to put myself out there and that I’d inspired them to do the same. That experience was so enlightening and humbling that I wrote a blog post for MKE Moms Blog about it, and that garnered even more comments about my bravery and how it inspired people.
A few months ago, my husband and I went to a splash pad with our son and I didn’t think twice about putting a swimsuit on and getting out there and playing with them. I just wore the swimsuit. My husband posted a picture of my son and I splashing and all I could think of was how happy we both looked and how we wouldn’t have had that moment if I would have been too shy or timid to wear the swimsuit. I realized that I didn’t want to care more about what other people thought over how much I love my son. That’s how Wear the Swimsuit was born — I feel that it’s been a gift to many people, and to me as well.
It’s amazing how much you inspire others. Have you always been an advocate? Have you always been brave? Have you always been kind?
I think I’ve always been an advocate. It’s in my blood. If I’m passionate about something, I go all in. It’s a gift and a curse. I’ve always been kind because I think kindness is contagious and the world could definitely use more of it. But brave, I think my bravery has come along with motherhood. Motherhood is less about yourself and more about your child and there’s this desire that fuels you to make the world better for them. And with that desire, for me, has come bravery.
What’s next for you?
For the next six months, I will fundraise my heart out and make a ton of jewelry to raise over $1,000 for my Fight for Air Climb team on behalf of my mom who fights chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It’s another passion project of mine.
I’ll keep doing Wear the Swimsuit as long as I’ve got pictures to share and people to inspire!
And spending as much time with my boys as possible. They are my heart and I’m so blessed that we’ve begun to hit our stride as a family.