It happens at work, when tasks pile up and pressure mounts. At home, when things feel chaotic and there’s not enough time to do everything that needs to get done. When we’re needed for too many things in too many places and one small problem or minor inconvenience pushes us to the edge.
This is when we get dangerous.
This is when we fire off the email without cooling down first. When we lash out at our partner. When we get annoyed at our kids for needing another string cheese or wanting us to sit down and color with them.
We are maxed out. We are not at our best and we know it. But we don’t know what to do about it.
While there’s no perfect solution, there is something we can do: Nothing.
Nothing as in don’t send the email. Nothing as in don’t go in hot to a conversation with your spouse or your kids. Nothing as in instead of reacting, take a minute, or ten, or however long you need to cool down and let some of the steam out. Give yourself a chance to reset, refresh or gather yourself. Because even if you’re justified in feeling the way you do, you won’t regret giving yourself time to defuse.
And it’s only in a calmer state that you can consider solutions and alternatives to the situations causing the stress. While we can’t change everything — or would want to — we can ask ourselves questions and look for opportunities for small changes. What can we simplify? What can we say no to? Where can we be more efficient? Where can we be less perfect? What can we make more of a priority? Where can we show kindness to ourselves or others?
Shifts will and should look different for every family. Maybe one thing works and another flops. And you realize that’s okay and then you try something different. And you keep fine-tuning what works to keep you feeling good and farther from the danger zone.