“What are you doing for fun?”
I’ll never forget my friend asking me this over a round of drinks after work one day. It was fifteen years ago — before kids, before a mortgage, before so much — but the question has stuck with me ever since.
She was asking about me and my husband, but I think the question is perfectly relevant for all of us right now, for our romantic partnerships, our friendships, our families and ourselves.
What are we doing for fun?
The question is important because fun is important! I’d argue it’s an essential ingredient in any relationship — and, sadly, one that we’re quick to lose.
Especially during the past two years, when we’ve been faced with challenges, heartbreak and uncertainty, it’s understandable that we focus solely on what needs to be done. Because even the basics feel so hard and heavy sometimes. How can we even worry about fun when we’re just trying to survive?
But here’s the thing: Without a little fun, the essentials — work, childcare, laundry, dinner, bedtimes — feel even more difficult.
And while this pandemic era has left us with the essentials to lift every day, it’s robbed us of many of the things we used to pepper our lives with to bring us some joy. Lunches with friends, family get-togethers, concerts, movies, travel and simply popping into a store or over to a friend’s house without a heap of worry on our shoulders.
Fortunately, there’s still fun to be found. Even now!
Fun doesn’t have to be confetti and disco balls and dance parties, although that sounds awesome to me. Fun can be laughing with a friend on the phone. Cranking up your favorite songs. Doing a puzzle. Taking a beautiful hike.
Fun is whatever feels good, right now, and recharges or refreshes you. Whatever perks you up and gives you a little spark back.
When you think about what’s most fun, consider your energy. What fills you up? What drains you? Beware of the things that are “supposed” to be a good time, but simply aren’t for you. And don’t shortchange your fun. Make your own instead of watching others’ play out on social media.
And please, please, please don’t insist that your fun be productive! Knit, but without deciding you’re going to knock out scarves for everyone on your holiday list. Draw, but with no expectation of making your art a new side gig. Walk, but don’t tally your miles — unless, of course, that makes it more fun for you.
Remember, your fun doesn’t have to take long. But little bits of it sprinkled throughout your week makes a huge difference, for you, your happiness and for whoever you share your time with.
So if this season’s been tough, please consider this plea for more lightness and more joy. Call it a permission slip, a mandate or a love letter to the life you deserve … whichever sounds the most fun.
– Katie Vaughn
Katie Vaughn is the editor and co-founder of Northerly. She is a University of Wisconsin-Madison and Stanford University-trained journalist with experience as a writer, reporter, editor, blogger and author. She lives in Madison with her husband, daughter and son, and is always up for an adventure.