There are so many songs I listened to as a kid that have taken on greater significance as an adult. One of those songs is “Lean On Me” by Bill Withers. As a kid, I thought it was a great song, easy to sing along with. As an adult, the song is a humbling experience.
My favorite part of the song is:
Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
’Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on
It’s humbling because, believe it or not, there will be a point in your life where your load will be too heavy and you will need someone to help you. And it doesn’t matter how strong you think you are, you do have a breaking point. I know I did.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. The memory etched in my mind like the ink on an architect’s blueprint.
It had been four days since I received the worst news of my life. I tried to be strong. I tried to smile during the day. I tried to carry on with life, bearing the load by myself. But on the fourth night, it happened. I broke down. I allowed myself to feel over the situation. I could no longer avoid it and I cried.
Once I began to cry, I couldn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep, woke up every hour and cried myself back to sleep. I felt completely helpless. It was 2:00 in the morning and I didn’t know what to do.
For the first time in my life I was at a loss. The load was too heavy for me to carry alone.
As embarrassed as I was over what I perceived to be a weakness, I called my girlfriend. She answered the phone and I began to cry. She was silent. She listened. As soon as I finished speaking she said, “Can you drive over here now or do you need me to come and get you?”
There was no judgment!
She knew that I needed someone at that moment. When I arrived, she led me to the room she’d prepared for me. I got in the bed and she sat in a chair. We continued the conversation and before I knew it, I woke up and she was still sitting in that same chair. Ultimately, she left me alone and that was the best night’s sleep I had since receiving the news.
I stayed at my friend’s house for close to a week. We had dinner together. We laughed and cried together. But we talked about almost everything. By the time I left her house there were two things that I knew for sure: 1) I would not have made it through without having someone to lean on and 2) I had a friend for life because I had never experienced that kind of love.
As I mentioned earlier, if it hasn’t happened to you, there will be a point in your life where you will feel defeated, like you can’t go on. A moment where you will feel completely powerless. You, like me, will recognize that your load is too much for you alone. In that moment, you will need someone to call. Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up over it. Recognize it for what it is — a heavy load. Allow yourself to feel by paying attention to your emotions. And call your friends. I personally believe there is someone for everyone.
Be a friend to someone and someone will be a friend to you because life is about reciprocity.
That experience taught me that being vulnerable is not a weakness. My vulnerability led me to discover the true love of a friend. And it has allowed me to appreciate and reciprocate to others.
Do you know when your load is too heavy to carry?
Andréa A. Michel is a mindset coach and creator of the 90 Days to Find your Bliss program and the Finding Bliss podcast. She lives with her husband, daughter and son in Mt. Pleasant.