As we send our kids off for a new year of school, we remind them to work hard, have fun and be respectful to teachers and fellow students. But there’s something just as important that we should say.
Be yourself.
It sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? We know our kids’ personalities, qualities and quirks better than our own — and love these collections of preferences and mannerisms for giving our children their “them-ness.” And what’s not to like, right?
But then we see it, and it always happens far, far earlier than we’d expect it to. Your son doesn’t want to wear his favorite shirt because a classmate made fun of it. Your daughter starts talking exactly like her friend. Your outgoing kiddo turns shy.
We remember, of course, that intense pressure to fit in, to be accepted, to be loved. But it breaks our hearts as parents when we see our kids chip away at themselves to slide in with the group.
And we know that it will likely be a long time before they understand the burden that trying to be someone else inevitably becomes. Or the freedom and joy that comes with heaving off that self-imposed responsibility and living authentically.
So even if it’s an uphill battle — and one that will only get rockier as they get closer to the teen years — it’s important to remind our kids not to forget who they are as they change and mature.
Alongside teaching our kids respect and manners, can we guide them in growing in a way that lets them stay true to the lovable, maddening and inspiring mix of characteristics that makes them uniquely them? Can we teach them to seek validation not in others but in themselves? Can we show them that people are at their best when they live in alignment with their true selves?
Let’s consider that our homework for the year.