Welcoming another child into the family can throw anyone for a loop. But Shauna and Chris Hyler are taking the experience in stride — along with lots of love, humor and the helpful perspective of keeping in mind that each of their girls is unique.
Shauna is a hair stylist and blogger and Chris is a photographer. And since little Dahlia was born in December, the Milwaukee couple have focused on acclimating to life as a family of four and making sure two-year-old Elianna feels special. Shauna shares how they do it.
Congrats on your new baby! What’s it been like to go through this a second time around?
Even though you think that it will be easier the second time around and you have this sense of “I got this,” that is so not the case. Every child is so different and you have to parent them differently. There are absolutely things that I have learned from going through the pregnancy, birth and nursing process once before, and some helped, some didn’t. The major difference is that your attention is divided. Which I think causes you to be hyper-focused on what things are important to get through each day and survive, and it really allows you to let the small things go. You can’t just sit there and over-analyze every little thing all day, or watch the baby’s chest rise and fall every time they sleep; you have to trust that things are going to be okay and really just make the best decisions you can and move on.
What do you enjoy most about being a parent? How has motherhood changed you or challenged you?
I just enjoy watching my girls turn into these amazing people. I mean, the baby doesn’t do much yet, but she has had such an impact on my oldest. My two-year-old is such a little personality. I see myself in her a lot, and how can you not when they start repeating everything you say back to you? Talk about a wake-up call — it totally makes you take a step back when you hear your voice coming from a child’s mouth. It makes you think about your tone, and what words you are really using; it makes you better because you are basically looking into a mirror 24/7. It has made me kinder to myself and husband and more patient with my daughter because you want to see kind actions and warm words coming back at you.
What’s your husband like as a parent and partner?
As a husband and parent, both, he is made for the job. I think sometimes he had an easier time with the transitions from zero to one, and then one to two kids, than I did. He definitely has more patience than I do and a really keen sense for what’s going on with the girls; he can call if one of them is coming down with something just judging on their eyes days before they are even sick. I would say he enjoys spoiling the girls, not just with gifts, but with time. He spends more time with our toddler because I am nursing and toward the end of my pregnancy I wasn’t able to do all of the picking up and crazy activities she wanted to do. He would and does sit with her playing, reading, talking and just making the world revolve around her, and I am sure that he is going to be great at making each of our girls feel like the world turns just for them individually. He makes me feel that way.
What do you do particularly well as a family or as parents? Are there any aspects where you feel like you’ve really gotten into your groove?
I think we do a really good job of just not snuffing out our daughter’s light. She is the most animated, joyous, intelligent little lady. She has a big personality and we never want that to change. We just let her be a kid, we don’t expect her to be anything else; she’s two.
We loved your recent blog post on saying no. Can you tell us more about it and why you wrote it?
Thank you! My husband and I found that we were really just wearing ourselves and our oldest out saying yes to everything. Be it things as a family or feeling obligated to say yes to events with friends or in our career. We realized that it was time for us to say, “No, that isn’t going to work for us.” So, for the upcoming year, we are really going to take a look at things that we see as obligations and decide if they suit our family, or are we just doing them not to disappoint someone to our own detriment. When your kids are little you have to say no to keep them safe, healthy and happy — and you as parents as well. We will fully rejoin the world and be able to say yes to more in the future, when we want to, are ready to, and on our terms.
What are the most important things you’re teaching your girls or that you want them to grow up knowing?
Your worth is never based on what someone else thinks of you and you are enough.
What inspires you and keeps you going from day to day?
Well, my word of the year this year is “thrive.” One of my good friends was kind enough to make me a bracelet with the mantra hand-stamped into it, and I have worn it every day since she gave it to me. I want to excel in every aspect of my life this year — thrive, not just survive. As a mother, wife, friend and in my career.
Why do you choose to live and raise kids in Wisconsin?
Our families are here and that is really important to us. We want our kids to grow up with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins around. This weather has been a killer, though, with having a winter baby!
What do you wish you’d known about parenthood before having kids?
That I knew nothing about parenthood. Whatever you think you know or however you think you are going to be as a parent is a joke. You can only learn to parent after you meet your child and learn what you need to do to fulfill the needs of that particular little human. No one can parent the same as anyone else because we don’t have the same children.
Do you have any advice for new parents?
Trust your gut, but ask for help. If you think something is or isn’t right for you or your family, you are right. But don’t be afraid to hit up your mommy tribe if you feel like you are drowning or need to commiserate. We need each other, and someone else has been there, trust me.
Photos by Christopher Hyler.